Now, where was I?

So, I haven't written in...well, let's just leave it at "a while," shall we? Let me make excuses, I mean, explain: some shit went down immediately after writing that last post. Some huge, unbelievable life-changing shit that requires that I no longer say words like "shit," "damn," and "fuck."

On October 4th I found out I was pregnant...don't worry, it was on purpose.

We decided to keep it a secret until Christmas when we could tell our families in person. I peed on the stick at 5 weeks pregnant and was 16 weeks at Christmas. That is a LONG time to keep a secret like that, let me tell you. So I had to stop blogging, because what the heck else would I have had to write about? It's not like I was thinking about ANYTHING else that entire time.

Well, I did have a few things to distract me. Just days after that fateful pee-stick, as we call them (and the 4 subsequent pee-sticks used just to confirm the first one), I went to visit my BFF Lauren. This trip had been planned well in advance, but was incredibly fortuitous because Lauren was in her OB/GYN residency.

What better place to unload massive first-time-parent/pregnancy anxiety? Imagine getting to LIVE with your doctor and pepper her with annoying questions the minute they pop into your head? It was great. Plus, Lauren had access to a trans-vaginal ultrasound. Those doctors have the coolest toys.

So I call Matt one night and say, "hey, Lauren and I are going to sneak into the hospital and she's going to trans-vag me" (see how quickly I picked up the lingo?).
Matt said,"okay, but don't you think that's a little weird?"
Me: "Weird? No! I'll get to see the baby!"
Matt: "Yeah, but she's going to stick something in your vagina."
Me: "So, she does that all day long, plus she's my best friend."
Matt: "I don't know, Brad is my best friend, but I don't let him stick things up my ass."
Me: "Well duh, she's not sticking it up my ass."

Men are so weird sometimes.

Anyway, Lauren and I got frozen yogurt and snuck into labor and delivery at 10pm and at 6 weeks pregnant I got my first glimpse at our baby and his heartbeat. He was a tiny pulsating jellybean and I was strangely calm from there on out. Really, it was so unlike me - I should have been freaking out about every little bodily symptom/function/malfunction, but I just had this overwhelming feeling that everything would be all right. And it was.

So let me give you a superquick fast forward through the next 18 months, but I'll flesh out more of it in future posts:

-Came back to Michigan, could not drink the beer we brewed.
-Got a job at Nordstrom in the Women's Active department (the gym clothes, it was like my own version of heaven) - considered this a sabbatical from the shrink business and loved every minute of it.
-Started running - I hate running - experienced some sort of pregnancy-induced psychosis that caused me to enjoy running. Celebrated graduating from the first trimester of pregnancy by running Turkey Trot (as is tradition in our family) in downtown Detroit, did not get shot.
- Managed to keep the pregnancy a secret until CHRISTMAS MORNING (!) when we surprised our families. I have video, I'll see if I can upload it.
- Returned to Michigan. Where it continued snowing, not just inches at a time, but FEET until MAY!!! Even the locals said it was the snowiest winter they had ever experienced.
- Kicked ass as a salesgirl. Who better to help you pick out a swimsuit than an enormously pregnant shrink?
- Continued running, albeit indoors on the treadmill, lifting weights (clean and jerk around the belly was entertaining), and doing body weight work. Pull ups (assisted with a band) until 31 weeks when I said to my OB, "should I stop doing pull ups?" and she said, "You're doing pull ups? Jeez, I'm impressed. But, yeah, probably should stop now." Running became a test of my mettle...or at least that of my bladder.
- The baby and I were a selling dynamo (dynamos?), buuuut that was too much time on my feet and I started having too many Braxton Hicks and was put on bed rest at 32 weeks - also known as torture.
- Was released from bed rest at 36 weeks and the baby did not come shooting out as was predicted.
- At 38.5 weeks we went for a walk, my old 5k running route now waddling route, and both complained we were bored, doing the same stuff all the time, decided to go to a new restaurant for dinner and a comedy show that night. Bored. Ha. Fateful words. Water broke at 1am.
- Had a baby.
- Baby
- Baby
- Baby
- Baby
- Drove 7.5 hours north, to the border of Michigan and Canada, to Mackinac Island with our 4 week old baby for a research conference. In my tiny convertible beetle.
- Flew to Oregon for Ben and Danielle's wedding with my 5 week old baby.
- Flew back to Detroit with my 6 week old baby, spent two weeks packing all our belongings and flew back to Oregon while Matt and his dad, Dan, moved our belongings and my dog, who lost rectal tone and, hence bowel control, during the trip, across the country AGAIN!
- Flew to Las Vegas with my 9 week old baby, got into my new car (had never seen it), went to our new house (had never seen it) and spent the next month staying in hotels and/or waiting for repairmen because EVERY SINGLE APPLIANCE in the house was broken or broke. And we had no water for several days. And I had a baby and a dog who had lost both bladder and bowel control and wore doggy diapers.

And that's not even one year.

So, yeah, not much happened, so I guess I have no excuse for not writing. I'll get back on the horse, now.